9.28.2008

Don't get me started on

... romantic relationships. I've stumbled upon a new passion. Actually it's not really a new passion but a latent passion that has been stirred recently. All of a sudden I found myself ranting, raving, and railing about this blog post that has been roaming around some of the students. The title of the piece is, "Is He/She... The Right One." Already my eyeballs are starting to take an elliptical course.

When I first came across it a few months ago, I remember scanning the article and thinking... meh. I could understand how it was encouraging to the person who was copying it onto her blog, given where she was at so I didn't really say much about it.

I took a closer look at it when some women told me they were reading and discussing it. I lost some self control and I could not stop myself from ranting about the ridiculousness of the article. It's pretty long, and I have many objections but my main complaint is that the post is extremely naive about marriage. I googled the original post because I kept thinking to myself, this was written by an unmarried woman. I was right. Anyone who has been married long enough has concluded that the idea of "the right one" being portrayed in this post is completely unrealistic.

I believe the author misquotes scripture and does extremely poor interpretation. Most of the scripture quoted is taken out of context and only used to support her own ideas. If you're looking for actual evidence of her points in scripture, it's fairly thin.

If I could sum up this post and my objection, it would be that it's teaching women to look for unbroken people as mates. Broken people looking for perfect matches... err... right.

What's the point of spending time looking for a Mr. Right that will fit our laundry list of qualities? First of all, he doesn't exist. Second of all, if you found him, he's probably hiding something. Third of all, it doesn't guarantee a happy marriage. Happiness is not really the point of marriage anyway. It really bugs me that the post encourages you to find someone without brokenness.

What also bugs me is how the post is really unfair to men. It sets up absurd standards for a mate. There are only two logical conclusions from reading the post: you won't be getting married because he doesn't exist or you think you've found him only to be disappointed.

I wish people spent more time considering their own brokenness and what they were doing to become a better partner rather than wanting someone else to be awesome for them. What about having just one qualification. Instead of finding Mr. Right, what about finding the man that's committed to working out and working on the brokenness inherent in the relationship. Enter with eyes wide open about the ways you will fail each other. Enter with much grace.

Instead of looking for Mr. Right, how about looking for Mr. Let's try to work on our brokenness and maybe in 20-30 years we'll start getting some things right.

8 comments:

Alice in Wonderland said...

Ha ha ha ha! That pillow is hilarious! Now I'm dying to read that article that spurred all this emotion.

pegpie said...

The link to the article is in my post in the first paragraph.

Jerrissimo said...

I believe Justin Smith made a similar post on his blog a while back, or at least similar in subject.

Rationally speaking, if you turned that same post and replaced every "man/guy/male pronoun" into a female one, there would be a lot of girls who won't qualify. I sure as heck don't. ^_^

However, I do think that the post was written in warning to those girls who have a tendency to get into bad relationships, and I suspect it was written in observance of these bad relationships/possibly bad experiences with the mindset to prevent them from ever happening (unrealistic, but understandable).

Wendy said...

i love the pillow! and great points. couldn't agree more :)

Alice in Wonderland said...

Yeah, I skimmed the very long blog post. It seemed benign...as long as people realize that no one could possibly hit everything on the list, it seems harmless enough. Its basically a collection of the trite and true: how does he treat his mother? Does he have good hygiene? Has he lived in his parent's basement for the last 15 years after highschool? etc. Hopefully no one takes it too seriously as a criteria checklist for the ultimate mate.

pegpie said...

The problem is I think young women could totally take it seriously. It gives hope that christian prince charming is out there somewhere.

Juliana said...

Does this exist??
"what about finding the man that's committed to working out and working on the brokenness inherent in the relationship."

What I think is unfair to men is that society tells them all they have to do is treat their mom nice, make lots of money in a stable job, and have good hygiene. Then they get married and their lady wants intimacy, self awareness, romance, humility, leadership ... that's a lot to ask of a gender whose taught not to cry, that your best friend is the one whose fart sounds make you laugh the hardest, and to work things out with your fists, not your words (not all men fall into this experience of course - but I think its what society holds up as the standard).
I feel bad for men. They are totally unprepared. And I think the idea that a man is going to solve your problems, yikes. Not fair of anyone, of any gender!

crystalpchau said...

hah! i've seen that article posted on 2 blogs since reading this one. man that things made it's way around...