Choice is overrated (Part II)

People choose out of their own fallibility. Sometimes choice is a curse. I see many people making one of two choices. They are too picky… and they’re often falling for men who aren’t right for them anyway. Or they are not picky enough and settle on men who aren’t right for them anyway. In either case, their right to choose isn’t working out.

Since I'm a fan of arranged marriages, the practical application in this day and age is to let your community into your decision of who you will date and marry. If the majority of your friends express some sort of concern about the person you’re dating, it’s a red flag.

Parents may not always be a good idea since as young adults our values may be taking a rapid departure from that of the parents. Some parents also evaluate future mates based on what looks good on paper and not on the character of the person.

In college, my roommates and I sometimes discussed whether or not we would be in the wedding or even attend the wedding of a friend if we didn’t agree with their chosen spouse. The bottom line of those conversations were, should you be a friend by protesting or should you be a friend by supporting? Which one would make you the better friend? I still haven’t landed on an answer…

I had a falling out with a really close friend because of said situation. There were definitely other things going on in our friendship, but telling her I disagreed with her choice was the straw that broke the camel's back. I wasn't invited to the wedding... well, to be fair I was invited last minute. It was fairly awkward. I had another wedding to go to that weekend, so I didn't go anyway.

What does your community think about your significant other? When's the last time you asked?

1 comment:

Mark said...

Good questions, Peggy.

Here are my thoughts if your buddy marries someone less than desireable: attend the wedding anyway. I think we need to support people, regardless. Not attending a wedding sends a pretty strong, negative message. If you don't like the spouse, your friend will know, anyway. Refusing to attend the wedding just ruins your friendship.