My imaginary boyfriend

"To the woman he said... Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you."

We are cursed.

I see the effects of the curse when I work with my college students. I knew the curse so well when I was single. Mostly I see it in how much time single women spend in a relationship with their non-existent boyfriends. I was guilty of that as well. Even when we don't have a tangible guy in our lives, much of our thoughts are consumed with "him."

We are obsessed with men, whether or not they exist. Consider a women's sleepover - the conversation inevitably turns to discussions about eligible bachelors and our lists and stays there. I would love a guy that... My guy will... I once asked some men how much time they spent talking about women at their hangout times (they don't use the word sleepover) and found that it was next to nothing. They're too busy playing video games, thinking about weird competitions, or shooting each other with some weaponry.

We have this list of what we want out of a guy. And we actually have imaginary relationships with him. We ask him things like, where are you? When will I get to meet you? We spend time planning our future wedding and family with him in our minds. And we daydream about interactions with him and what they will be like. I used to daydream about the kinds of interactions I could have with either the most current crush or Mr. Imaginary. They never happened.



soybeanlover said...

A rather dreary way of looking at it.

Albeit in high school, that is pretty much the way it is, but if you think about it as "neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord." Then your perspective shifts to wanting to find the other part that can bring you closer to God. Fixating on it is not good, but knowing your end goal, improving yourself and prayerfully pondering a few certain traits or deal breakers that you want/need in a future partner shows forethought and preparation. Marriage is very different from what little girls dream of, but by preparing ahead of time I have found the rough times expected, and can be smoothed out more easily.

I guess what it comes down to is how we harness the 'imaginary boyfriend' do we use him to improve ourselves or to make us feel sorry for ourselves?

Jerrissimo said...

That seems to be the current thing hanging over people's head (including my own), isn't it? For some odd reason all the girls I know have been talking..about aforementioned subject recently. Or maybe that's just what we do frequently?

peggy said...

damn curse. so...what's the solution?

Lena said...

The solution is to make Jesus your boyfriend. :)