On being Chinese American...

We're trying to raise Isaac bilingual. When my family first immigrated to the US in 1984, my parents made the decision of speaking only Chinese at home. They valued us keeping our language, knowing that our ability to speak would keep open the access to family and culture.

Bryan is beyond supportive. He speaks Mandarin to Isaac 80%+ of the time. When Isaac learns a word he doesn't already know, he becomes determined to learn that phrase. He knows that one day Isaac may surpass him and he wants to do all he can to keep up. Just another reason why I feel like I won the lottery with the man I married.

When I'm alone with Isaac, it's the best time to speak 100% Chinese. No need to translate for Bryan, no need to keep up communication with Grandma.

I've been doing something weird though. I knew I was doing it but I didn't stop to think about why I was doing it.

When we're at the park or library, and it's just the two of us, I will speak in complete Mandarin. However if someone we don't know comes to the play structure, I will consciously throw out a phrase of perfect English.

If I don't I'm worried people will think of me as an immigrant. And in this country few immigrants feel welcomed. I worry that if people think I can't speak perfect English, they will not want to know me. I could be cut off from mommy groups and play dates. Maybe Isaac will be disadvantaged. Maybe my opinions won't matter. Is it an irrational fear? Yes and no. Is it reality? Yes and no.

It's just something I do, and I haven't been able to make myself stop. I want to and I don't. I don't want others to tell me what they think I should do either. Just know that it's part of the immigrant experience. There's an ongoing pressure, sometimes overt but mostly subtle, to prove whether or not you belong in this country.

For now I'll probably keep doing it, especially given the fact that we live in Davis. This way we get to be that "cool" family that is doing the bilingual thing.

On mourning...

"Grief is like getting your period when you're going to the beach... so inconvenient!"

~ Cheri and Peggy

From commonprayer.net

I read this excerpt this morning and resonated much with it so I wanted to leave it here to remind myself of its truths in the future.

We must be careful in all our talk about liturgical prayer not to rule out the spontaneous moves of the Spirit. Just as liturgical traditions have much to offer us by way of roots, the charismatic and Pentecostals have much to offer us in zeal and passion. Tradition and innovation go together in God’s kingdom. -Jesus was Jewish. He went to synagogue “as was his tradition” and celebrated holy days such as Passover. But -Jesus also healed on the Sabbath. -Jesus points us to a God who is able to work within institutions and order, a God who is too big to be confined. God is constantly coloring outside the lines. -Jesus challenges the structures that oppress and exclude, and busts through any traditions that put limitations on love. Love cannot be harnessed.

Liturgy is public poetry and art. You can make beautiful art by splashing paint on a wall, and you can also make art with the careful diligence of a sculptor. Both can be lovely, and both can be ugly. Both can be marketed and robbed of their original touch, and both have the potential to inspire and move -people to do something beautiful for God. So it is with worship. More important than whether something is old or new, winsome or classic is whether it is real. The Scriptures tell us to “test the spirits,” and the true test of the spirit of a thing is whether it moves us closer to God and to our suffering neighbor. Does it have fruit outside of our own good feelings? Beauty must hearken to something beyond us. It should cause us to do something beautiful for God in the world.

New Blog

So tired of trying to keep up this blog with lame Chinese people trying to make my blog X-rated.

I used to twitter funny Bryan Enderle quotes so I thought, why not blog entire conversations that reduce me to tears on a daily basis?

http://thefunnye.blogspot.com/

So sad...

My blog has been so sad and neglected. I frequently have epiphanies for blog topics but am never near a computer to get it out on "paper." I recently downloaded an iphone app that is an idea organizer so I can record ideas for later use.

The saddest thing about my neglected blog is that random people leave comments on it with links to what I can only imagine are XXX websites. I guess it's my fault for calling my blog "sex and the country."

Perhaps I've set the bar too high. The subtitle of the blog states: my irreverent and potentially irrelevant thoughts trying to work themselves out. First of all I need to be irreverent. Easily done if I throw in a cuss word here or there, right? Secondly, my entries need to be potentially irrelevant... POTENTIALLY being the key word because it's just a "witty" guise for how relevant I think I am, ha!

It usually takes me at least an hour to complete a blog post because I put it through many edits and revisions to make sure I get my thoughts across. Who has that time nowadays?

Perhaps I need to screw perfection and just get whatever out there as a discipline and exercise. We'll see how it goes.

One of these days

... I'd like to write a blog post titled "Men: Grow a pair and ask her out" and "Women: Dating is normal and stop being so nice."

It would take a little while to write, but it's my thesis on why more Christians don't date.

The 10 Perks of Bed Rest

Hospital Food

A lot of people have been giving me sympathy about being on bed rest. People say stuff like, you're so tough, hang in there, you're making such a big sacrifice for your baby! Actually it hasn't been hard like people have imagined. With wireless Internet, visitors, 1000 piece puzzles, books, it's been more than tolerable. Besides, I didn't choose into this so I don't really feel "tough." Tough is reserved for those who train for marathons and those who climb Mount Everest. I don't feel very sacrificial either... it's more just common sense to stay in bed because the doctors told me so and if I don't my baby will fall out.

Anyway, I thought I'd give folks an idea of the perks of bed rest so y'all don't feel so bad for me. :)

1. There's a hotel/spa aspect to bed rest. The nurses are all really kind and always bring by food and drinks. My water pitcher is never empty and I can order cheese quesadillas for afternoon snacks.

2. I can be a couch potato guilt free. I used to feel bad if I vegged out in front of the tv for more than 2 hours. Now I can do it as much as I want and nobody can accuse me of being lazy.

3. Visitors! I have had so many visitors that some days I get tired out. Friends, family, and students have been so kind to drive all the way out to Sac to see me. And people are extra nice.

4. The baked goods that come with the visitors. I have had cookies and muffins galore. I can help myself to 2-3 at a time, and again, without feeling guilty.

5. Puzzle making. I love making puzzles. I daresay I'm a puzzle genius. I haven't made puzzles in years however, but bed rest has allowed me to spend hours and hours focused on putting together jigsaw puzzles.

6. Learning about anatomy. I now know more about cervices and uteri (had to look up how to pluralize these words) than anybody could ever want to know. Apparently I have a relatively weak and dynamic cervix. Ask me if you want more details. I know what contractions feel like, and I know that emptying my bladder can help calm down my uterus.

7. Saving money. Our wonderful health insurance provides three square meals a day. The food is pretty decent and I get a pretty extensive menu. For example, I had Chicken Lombardy and Eggplant Parmesan for lunch!

8. Being thankful for little things. Who knew walking to the bathroom and taking showers were privileges?

9. No request is ever too demanding. Can you pick that up? Can you grab that book? Can I have more water? Could you bring me some Thai food? Of course, it's not like I have been asking for the moon.

10. No one expects anything from me. I've been able to do some admin stuff for work and converse with some students, and anything I do is considered a bonus. If I don't reply to an email in a timely manner, people don't get mad. If I say no to something, people are very understanding.

Overall, I have been felt very thankful and blessed by God and my community through all this. So friends, no need to shed any tears for me!